Pressure Awakes Unconsciousness
At least there must be one person
who can control someone’s identity. It is like
become the role model of that person. In this story, A Song for A
Barbarian Reed Pipe, the narrator’s role model or someone who control her is
her mother, whether the narrator like it or not. The mother intentionally do
it. She tells her daughter to do this and that, and saying that what she said
is right, although the narrator doubt it. Their family backgroud as the first
generation of Chinese family which become immigrants to America makes them
still very influenced by their culture in China, especially the mother. She
always tells the narrator what is right or wrong according to Chinese culture.
However, sometimes the things that she told does not make sense and does not
suit with American culture at all, like when the mother ordered her to ask for
candies to the drug store. Eventhough she does not want to do it, but she must
according to her mother. The narrator tells the druggist about her mother, “my mother said you have to give us candy.
She said that is the way Chinese to do it” (Kingston, p. 170). She did
whatever her mother told when she was a child. When she can think like an adult
and know what is right or wrong by herself, she starts to become someone who
can pour out her own thought and opinion. However, her mother keeps do that
until she decide to tell her mother about her “true” self through a list she
made. Massive pressure by her mother makes narrator’s unconsciousness release
her pleasure.
There is a change who her role model
is when she started to doubt the mother. It happens maybe because she is a
adolescence already and she met new people. As time goes by, people will start
to look for a new role model. As in this story, narrator meet a retarded boy.
She did not want to be like him, retarded. The boy likes her, so he usually
follows her around and also comes to her house. However, she does not like him,
she actually hate him. Before this happens, narrator’s mother usually bad at
her. She cut her daughter tongue, telling her to do this and that, and she
always obey her. She thinks that her mother wants her to marry that retarded
boy because they are look alike, stupid, strange, and retarded. As it is said
in the story, “my parents would only
figure that this zombie and I were match” (Kingston, p. 195) The thought of
that make her wants to change what her mother think she is. She studies hard
until she got straight A. However, It is
not that the retarded boy is narrator’s new model, but he is the one who makes
the narrator want to change herself to be a better person. That is one of the
reason why she makes lists. She wants to prove that she is not like that boy,
not like her mother thinks.
The narrator’s id, ego, and superego
play important role in the making of the lists. It is stated in the story that
she makes those lists for her mother, “...I
had grown insinde me a list of over two hundred things that I had to tell my
mother so that she would know true things about me” (Kingston, p. 197) This
part of story shows the dynamic of her id, ego, and superego. In the beginning
of the story, her superego was so dominant. Her most dominant superego is her
mother. Since her mother transferred many things to her when she still a child.
Her mother also tells her story about Chinese stories. As she grew up, she can
control her id, ego, and superego. She can manage superego(her mother) until it
is not the most dominant anymore. When she decide to create that list, her ego
takes lead. The ego is the tool or strategy from her unconscious mind to
release her id or pleasure which is the list, but also she does not shut down
her superego, she still consider her mother. In the other words, she try to
release her secret(id) without getting her mother(superego) angry. The ego
makes id and superego are balance here. In order to make it balance, she tells
the list one by one, day by day, from the easiest to the hardest, and she do it
in her mother’s most peaceful time of the day. She only wants her mother to
hear it and know her “world” that after all this time she safe it by herself. “if only i can let my mother know the list,
she—and the world—would become more like me, and I would never be alone again” (Kingston,
p. 198) However, her mother’s reaction is not like what she wants. Her mother
thinks she talks senseless things, but somehow she feels relieved her mother
stops her. It is not easy to split out our pleasure in the correct way. It is
hard to balance id and superego.
The narrator’s dynamic between id,
ego, and superego are rapidly developing. From dominant superego, balanc id and
superego, until the climax when her superego is totally defeated by her id. It
happens when she and her family have family dinner, but she sees the retarded
boy join them. The pressure from the fact that she cannot release her urges(id)
before, her mother become unsupportive in anything and said she talk senseless
things, and now she sees the retarded boy with them, makes her layer or dam
between id and superego gone unconsciously. Then it makes her lost control and
split out almost all her lists. Starts from she does not like the boy and asks
them to stop comparing her with him. She said that she is smart and get
straight A’s. She even can get scholarsips and go to college. She blame her
mother for treats her badly. She hates the way her mother tells her stories
that have no logic, lies, and cannot know the difference if it is real or just
made up. She cannot behave morally again and does not care anything included
her mother. In fact, she intentionally said that things for her mother to
listen. She release her id in the form of anger which happens outside her conscious
awereness. She cannot supress her id with superego anymore because the pressure
she has is to heavy.
The mother is someone who matter the
most as creator of narrator’s identity. Mother input many things to her, like
how she behave and what she should do. when the narrator know there is a chance
that what her mother thought her might wrong, she step by step get out from her
mother’s zone and control. Until she totally explode, like in previous
paragraph I have explained. Her mother once or twice defend herself by saying
that she knows her daughter is smart, her daughter is beautiful, and she said
she wants her to blend with Americans well so she cut her tongue. However, her
saying is the opposite from what she said after all this time. After heared her
daughter “confession”, she still thinks it is just a nonsense talk from her.
The narrator gets confused and realize that it is no use to tell her mother. “no higher listener. No listener but myself”
(Kingston, p.204). She did release her id, urges and pleasure, but she does not
get the reaction that she wants from her mother. However, her id is still
strong. She sorts her life to normal, like do her work and study well, talk to
the retarded boy and he finally dissapear, and wants to go china. “I’d like to go to China and see those people
and find out what’s cheat story and what’s not” (Kingston, p.206). At first
she is controlled by her mother, but now she is controlling her own life. Find
her true identity that left in the past. “the
beginning is hers, the ending, mine”(Kingston, p.206)
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